Managing my relationship with my phone

Our phones are amazing. To be able to accomplish so much, connect with people all over the world, and derive so much joy and fun from something so small is kind of miraculous and certainly a testament to incredible human ingenuity and creativity.

But I think it’s also fair to say that phones have their downsides - for me that’s looked like overuse and maybe even low-level addiction, with the knock-on effect of higher stress and even increased physical pain as my posture suffers while I am glued to my screen. I also wonder about how our phones are increasingly building a world of disconnection and isolation when what I feel we need more of is community, inter-personal vulnerability and open listening and sharing.

All of which is to say, I’ve become increasingly interested in better managing my relationship to my phone. Here’s a few things that have helped me:

1. Curfew

   I read the book How to Break up with Your Phone by Catherine Price a few years back, which has some great tips, and the first thing I tried was a night-time ‘curfew’. For me that looked like turning my phone off at 9pm each night and then not looking at it again till morning (yes, you will need to buy an old school alarm clock if you want to try this!) Though difficult at first, I have found this an incredibly useful practice and maintain it to this day. I love having some phone-free time before bed (which I’m sure helps me sleep better) and increasingly find I am less drawm to my phone in the morning.

2. Detox

   Also taken from How to Break up with Your Phone was the idea of a digital ‘detox’ or ‘sabbath’. In the book Price recommends one day a week, where you avoid all screen time. I have to say this proved much harder for me than the curfew (which just goes to show how much it was needed!), though I did manage it a handful of times. I don’t keep up with this practice regularly these days but it is definitely one that is worth trying - not only did this help me learn about my bad habits, but I also felt my intuition coming online in really interesting ways (for example calling in on a friend unannounced only to find out that he had just that moment sent me a message seeing what I was up to!)

3. Recalibration

   More recently, I was at a festival and my phone just would not turn on one morning. Being in the middle of a field there was not much I could do about it, and after the initial panic, I actually found this a massively freeing and spacious experience. I took the opportunity to be more present to what was happening around me, and found it easier to connect with both humans and nature. After I got home I held off getting a replacement, but after a few days I realised there were a few apps that I did really need (mostly banking and navigation - I can get lost in a straight line if not for Google Maps!) However I so relished that forced absence and I have since tried to recalibrate my relationship with my phone whereby it stays out of sight and on flight mode unless I actively need it. Being able to use apps like WhatsApp and Instagram on Desktop makes a big difference here and so I am still on screens a fair bit, but overall I am really enjoying this recalibration so far - I feel I have more time in my day and that I am becoming more present in various sorts of ways.

I know not everyone’s work or home lives might allow some of the more radical changes, but I’m sure many of us could do with some shift in our relationship with our mobiles. So how do these ideas land? Do you have other tips for managing your phone use? Or would you be interested in trying a curfew, detox or recalibration? Would love to hear more about it in the comments!