On Creating Safety
I have been thinking a lot recently about safety. And without waving too much of a psychoanalytical wand all over this, it seems that safety (and lack thereof) is really at the root of….well pretty much everything. When I trace back my life and what I have understood about what made me turn out as I did I see lack of safety as paramount. Firstly on an epigenetic level where my near ancestors all in their own way survived incredibly challenging conditions (my Dad was born into Communist Romania and his family had to hide his identity for a long time, while my grandparents on my Mum side were all direct survivors of the Holocaust). This must have had an impact on the lessons I learned about how to behave, what was safe and so on. Beyond that I also learned - as all children do - what I felt I needed to do to feel safe. Oftentimes this can be erroneous as I learned that being small, putting others before myself and not asking for help were what seemed to work within my particular family dynamic (hello middle child syndrome!!) No doubt this worked for a time but during my adult years I have realised how diminishing these actions have been for me.
And so my journey has been to create safety for myself - through changing thought patterns, through uncoiling habitual behaviours that don’t serve me, through building a faith based on the power and wisdom of Mother Nature, through achieving a good level of financial freedom (more through luck than skill), and more besides. And though I believe we always have work to do more or less I feel that I have at least created that base level safety for myself from which the blessings of the rest of my life might bloom.
And yet - I know how hard this has been, how fortunate I have been to have the time, money and energy to devote to this. It has been a lifetime of work. And I realise how so many people in less fortunate situations that my own simply don’t have the ability to build this safety into their lives in the way that I have. Many in the higher classes have this in-built into their life stories and while this is not about pulling other people down it is instructive that those born into more ‘safe’ environments tend to have more confidence to put their voices out there. Ultimately I think the next wave of humanity needs to look like a world where EVERYBODY is born into safety as much as possible (at the very least on material level, knowing there is food and shelter and that their neighbours aren’t going to discriminate against them for any reason.)
Though that might feel a long way away when we see some of the News stories both in this country and abroad, I believe we can get there. And I believe that only starts with creating more safety for ourselves on an individual level. In a roundabout way I can point to massage and say how listening to the body can be and how important it is for me that I create as safe a space as possible for my clients, and this is all true - but ultimately what is important to me is if you are reading this, you take a moment to really consider where your life might be lacking safety and how you might build that. Yes it might be massage, other bodywork, talking therapy, meditation or psychedelic retreats, etc. But these things can be quite exclusive, especially on a financial level. So perhaps it’s something more simple. Maybe dedicated time in nature every week. Perhaps it’s taking time to be creative through art, poetry, song or dance. Perhaps it’s opening up a little to a friend or loved one, asking for help or advice. Whatever it is for you, I so wish for and encourage you to call in that safety in your life.
